DIAGNOSIS

Why is all this happening? Why you? Why your marriage? What did you do or not do to cause this?

To understand the crisis in your home, you need to understand some basic principles from God’s Word, the Bible. When God first created man and woman He joined them together in marriage, a covenant relationship. To understand marriage as God sees it, we must understand covenant as God sees it.

A covenant is a pact or agreement between two people that binds them in deep, lasting relationship. It really means they are no longer two separate lives but now share one life together. In the Bible we see that God made covenants with several people, a very notable one being the covenant He made with Abraham establishing the Jewish nation (Genesis 12:1-3). Since Jesus’ death and resurrection, those who receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior are partners in the New Covenant with God (Hebrews 8:6-13).

Covenant love is strong. It says, "I lay down my life for you" (1 Corinthians 13:1-8). Throughout scripture we see that God remained faithful to His covenant promises even when, man, His covenant partner failed to keep his end of the bargain. Covenant love is faithful regardless of what the other partner is doing. The reason for this is that every covenant contains within it promises and terms or conditions. When people enter into covenant they promise certain things to each other and state the conditions under which they will keep their promise. If one covenant partner is unfaithful to the promises, it does not cause the other one to be also. Throughout the Old Testament we see God, the faithful covenant partner, calling to Israel, the unfaithful covenant partner. Israel's unfaithfulness did not change God’s heart toward her. He continues to stand for her, to love her, and to call her back to Him to this day.

The Bible calls marriage a covenant relationship (". . . though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant" (Malachi 2:14)). When you married you entered into a covenant. As part of the ceremony you and your spouse made certain promises to each other. The words differ from ceremony to ceremony but they usually include something like "love, honor, cherish, obey," etc., and your ceremony included certain terms. For instance, "for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health." And the promises and terms probably concluded with the words, ". . . until death do us part." We call these wedding vows. The Bible has something to say about vows. "When you vow a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it" Ecclesiastes 5:4,5 NIV.

Most of us didn’t know anything about all of this when we married. We were usually so nervous we didn’t know what we were saying anyway, but God was listening. I remember shortly after our marriage was healed a friend of mine was complimenting me on what a fine job I had done in standing for the healing of our marriage. As I listened to her, I got to thinking how wonderful I was and all that I had suffered. I decided God must have been pretty proud to have me on His team. After all, I thought, how many others would have been that faithful to His Word. On the way home from her house, the Lord spoke to my heart very softly and said, "What did you do in standing for your marriage that you didn't promise you would do on your wedding day? Suddenly I realized that God had been listening on our wedding day, long before we even knew Him, and He had taken note of what we said. When the "for worse" part came, He was faithful to His commitment to our marriage and He had expected us to be also. It seems so unusual in this day of instant marriage and instant divorce to take a stand for marriage, but by God’s standard it’s not unusual at all. It is the expected norm.

In the last chapter, I mentioned that we could find no encouragement for healing from our pastor or from counselors. Even our friend who was born-again, Spirit-filled, and serving the Lord mightily believed God had declared the marriage dead because of the adultery. God had a different standard, though. As I returned home from receiving that final counsel I was preparing for the divorce which seemed inevitable. My human love for my husband had died from the constant wounding it had received. I figured if God knew this marriage was dead and gone and He was going to bring me a new husband, I had better just go with the flow and get it over with.

When we have received Jesus as Lord and Savior, though, He has taken up residence within us and He speaks to our hearts according to His Word. I have never heard an audible voice of God, but I have no trouble knowing when He is speaking to me from within. That day He took me to a scripture that I didn’t ever remember reading before. "Now to the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:10,11 NIV).

I was stunned as I looked at that scripture. I couldn’t believe God was being so hard about this whole thing. Immediately I turned to the scriptures I had been given by our friend that gave me an "out" to divorce and remarry. I showed them to the Lord and asked Him what He thought about that. He gently took me back to 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 and had me read it again. Slowly it began to sink into me that God wasn’t playing games. This thing was for keeps. He had made the rules and He was now enforcing them. I felt a bit upset that He didn’t seem to have the same rules for everyone. I pointed out to Him how many Christians I knew who had divorced and remarried and asked Him what about them. Again He did not comment but gently drew me back to 1 Corinthians 7:10,11. He said to me, "This is My standard. You have a choice and I will meet you at whichever one you choose. If you choose to remain single, I will be your husband. I will care for your children as their father. You will never lack for anything nor will they be lacking. I will provide for you as no earthly husband ever could. If you should choose to reconcile, however, I will bring you through to victory.

Immediately I thought of the scriptures, "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your Husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected" (Isaiah 54:4-6 NIV). and "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling" (Psalm 68:5 NIV). I knew He meant what He was saying.

The choice did not take me long. I did not want to remain single. I had two children and a third on the way. I wanted a home with a husband and father. I wanted our marriage. I told the Lord, "I want to reconcile, Lord, but I don’t know how. I can’t even find anyone who will tell me it’s possible." "I say it is possible," was His only answer, "and I will teach you how."

Your marriage is a covenant relationship, the earthly reflection of God’s eternal covenant love. Satan hates the unity and power of covenant and is seeking to destroy every marriage he can get (John 10:10). What you have done or not done may have contributed to the downfall of your marriage, but it is not the cause of it. Your marriage has been targeted for destruction by Satan and his forces. The circumstances that you face are just his means of warfare. The name of Jesus is still the name above all names. What is the name of the circumstance you face today? Adultery? Alcoholism? Homosexuality? Incest? Whatever its name is, that name is under the name of Jesus. And scripture says that everything must bow to the name of Jesus. "Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father" (Philippians 2:9-11 NIV).

THE DEVIL’S CHIEF TACTIC IS GOING TO BE TO TRY TO CONVINCE YOU THAT THIS ONE IS TOO BIG FOR GOD. It’s a lie! You are in covenant with God through the blood of Jesus and you are standing for a God-ordained covenant relationship on this earth. What power does hell have against that?

Now just as you read that last statement, the enemy said to you, "But what if this marriage isn’t God-ordained? What if God doesn’t want it healed? Maybe it never was a case of ‘What God has joined together.’ If God were for this, would it be this bad?

Just remember this, God is the originator of marriage, not the devil. When a couple chooses marriage, they choose God’s plan. From the moment they are married, God is committed to working with them to make that plan succeed. "What God has joined together" does not just mean those He has told to marry each other. That is the very best way, it is being right in the center of God’s will, but few seek Him diligently for a spouse. Many couples, ourselves included, married in lust and God had nothing to do with it. That doesn’t change His commitment to covenant love and faithfulness, however. It is God’s will for all individuals to be in covenant with Him and for all marriages to be based on Him. When these conditions are not so, He is still 100% for the couple and for the marriage. To end a marriage by saying God wasn’t in it is just as wrong as to abort a pregnancy because the child wasn’t planned. Once you are in a covenant relationship, allow God to teach you how to bring it forth to fullness in Him. God is faithful to those in covenant with Him even when we fail Him. His desire for us is to learn to be faithful even when our spouse fails us.

"Lord Jesus, teach me what covenant means. Teach me to remain strong and faithful to my word even when my spouse is not. I want to know Your heart regarding covenant. I want to see our marriage as You see it. My own love is so wounded right now, Jesus. I cannot do this alone. I don’t feel very loving or very giving right now. Please help me, Lord. I will rest in You. Amen."

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