Bob & Conchita Jensen
After hearing from so many of our standers that Bob and
Conchita was their favorite testimony tape of a restored marriage, I
decided that I would like to make a brochure from the tape. I called
Conchita to ask permission to write their story, and she very graciously
gave it. I know many of you will say, "That’s me," as you read
their story. We pray this brochure will be a blessing to you. Bob begins
their testimony.
I want to say that the reason we’re here to tell our
story is not that we’ve done anything special. It’s just that without
his grace and his mercy in my life, I wouldn’t be sitting here. Our
prayer is, "What you have done in us, somehow use these imperfect
vessels to reach out and touch other people’s lives."
We are a healed marriage and we give all the glory to
God. Our testimony is different than most in that I not only left my wife
and divorced her, I got into adultery and married somebody else. I then
divorced again and remarried Conchi. She prefers to use the word legal
adultery rather than marriage, because it was never recognized in God’s
eyes. Conchi was standing on the covenant she made at our marriage.
Conchi tells her story. I was born in Madrid, Spain, and
was raised in the church all my life. I really felt I was a Christian. Bob
was in the Air Force there when we met and got married in 1965. For
years, we felt we really had a good marriage, and we did. We never had
strife in our marriage, and our children grew up in a very peaceful home.
We were very active in our church and everyone said, "Bob and
Conchita have a perfect marriage." But sometimes I felt empty. I
said, "God, what is it? I have a wonderful husband, two children, a
dog, a fence, and a nice home. What is going on?" I would tell myself
that I should be grateful that my husband doesn’t drink, run around,
etc. Bob was having problems too, but we didn’t confide in each other.
Every time a marriage falls apart, I believe it is
because of Satan’s plan to destroy the home. But God uses what Satan
intends for harm for our good. I thought I was a Christian, but the night
Bob left me, a friend brought me a booklet about marriage healing, and I
accepted the Lord as my personal Savior. I instantly had a supernatural
peace that never left.
I had no family in this country to give me support; I
had no job, and I was very dependent upon my husband in every area of my
life. I had a phobia. I was scared to death to drive, and Bob had to drive
me everyplace (God healed me of that, Praise the Lord). Now I had no
options; I had to trust God and no one else. When Bob came back home to
check on me three days later, he expected me to be a wreck, but I answered
the door with "Oh Hi, Honey, how are you doing? He
said to himself, "What is going on here?"
Bob wasn’t always able to pay child support, and I
decided that if I could trust Jesus for the healing of my marriage, I
could trust him for my finances. God found a job for me, and I found three
Christian couples who became very close friends.
Bob was involved with someone else, but he came back
home six months after he left and stayed for a year. It was quite an
adjustment for him. I was saved and did not cling to him like I did
before. I had my self-worth in Christ. All my insecurities were gone. Bob
had always told me to become more independent and not to be so clinging to
him. When this actually happened he became jealous of God. Since we had
been married for fifteen years and his wife changed from dependent to
independent, it was really hard for Bob to understand. Plus . . . I made
some boo-boos. It isn’t a good idea to read the Bible when you’re in
bed with your husband, and he is unsaved. It’s also not a good idea to
listen to 700 Club when he’s home, but I did. You may be on fire for the
Lord, but don’t flaunt it before your unsaved husband. This built a wall
between us.
When he left the second time and filed for divorce, the
Lord said, "let go, and let me do it my way." So I said,
"Whatever it takes, Lord, whatever it takes." When you pray that
prayer, be ready. You cannot hang on to your nice house, your nice car,
and getting your marriage healed the way you want it. It’s going to be
done God’s way, and He may have to do a work in your own life. Do not
focus on the sins of your partner because when you do that, you become
self-righteous. Just focus on Christ. I stood for my marriage for five and
a half years while God did a work in MY life.
Bob continues. Now for my side of the story. I had
always gone to church, and I really felt I knew a lot about who Jesus was.
After fifteen years of a model marriage, it was very evident to me that
there was a big hole within me. I searched for what was open and available
to me in the world. My intentions were good because I wanted to create a
better life for my wife and children. I bought into the lie that if I
could only have this or that, things would be much better. All of a
sudden, I fell into a trap. I could blame others, but I made the choice to
commit adultery.
I went out and decided there was something a little bit
better out there and left Conchi. Romans 8:28 tells us that God works
everything for our good and He used my mistakes. After being home for a
year, I still wasn’t saved, and that emptiness was still there. As a
Christmas present, I told her I was leaving her and getting a divorce . .
. and I did. I got involved with a neighbor lady, and to make matters
worse, I took my daughter with me and lived with this woman for a year.
But I couldn’t stay away from Conchi. I would come back home every few
days, or once a week with the excuse, "I came to see the
children." I did have a good relationship with them. My daughter was
with me; our son was with her. But in truth, I came home to see Conchi. I
had to psyche myself up to be disagreeable. But, she would irk me to no
end. She always greeted me with a smile and would always let me know she
loved me and would encourage me.
I finally reached the point where my guilt was almost
unbearable. I just knew that my sin was too much for Conchi to ever be
able to forgive. I knew our marriage could never work out the way I wanted
it to work out. One day she blew me away. I came by to see the children,
and she said she had to ask my forgiveness. She told me she had had me up
on a pedestal and that it wasn’t fair to me. She told me she had made
mistakes and she had spiritual pride and a lot of other things. That
really did something to me, and something began working in my mind.
I went home and began to throw myself into my work. I
decided that it was about time for me to go find someone else since I had
broken up with my neighbor, and so I did. She happened to be almost young
enough to be my daughter. Conchita would never let me say I
"married" this woman. She would always say I legalized my
adultery in the eyes of the world, but not in the eyes of God. In the
midst of this adulterous marriage, I got saved. But, I was helpless. By
the way, that relationship began to fall apart before the honeymoon was
over. In desperation, I gave my heart to Christ one Sunday morning.
Everything went downhill from there.
I was so hungry for God. I would go to every Bible study
I could find and ask about God’s word. But, I would almost inevitably go
to Conchi. I would call her on the phone when the alien wasn’t home. I
would call during work and ask her questions about God's Word. She always
told me the uncompromising truth. She still believed our marriage would be
healed but I thought, after all I’m saved now, God loves me too and I’m
in another marriage. This relationship was in trouble and I began standing
for my "marriage." My daughter told Conchi that our church was
praying for our marriage. Conchi said "Praise the Lord, Dad only has
one marriage in the eyes of God."
As I was reading 1 Corinthians 7:20, my eyes fell on the
verse that says that each one should remain in the situation he’s in
when God calls him. I remember throwing my Bible on the bed and jumping up
and down and shouting, "Hallelujah, I knew it, I knew it!! I’m
right where God wants me to be." That shows you that Satan will even
use the Scriptures to deceive us. The scripture wasn’t talking about
marriages there. God would never tell you if you’re in adultery, stay
there.
Conchi shares that as she stood for her marriage,
probably 90% of the people she knew had no idea what she was doing! And,
they were Christians. They would say, "Poor Conchi, some day she will
wake up. She is sure out in left field." Even my own pastor had no
idea what I was doing. He thought one day I would wake up to reality. But
be careful how you share your stand. Pray for others to have revelation in
the area of standing. Don’t hit them over the head with your stand. Some
people stand for six months, some a year, some six years, some more. It is
important to establish at the beginning of your stand that you have no
other option. If you don’t you will get discouraged and quit. Some
standers choose not to allow God to do a work in them. They just want God
to do a work in their mate. This is not a healthy stand, and I believe
there will be marriages God wants to heal but because of the attitude of
the stander, they won’t be healed. The important thing is that we have
to be sold out to Jesus. Jesus wants our marriage healed more than we do.
You have to choose to forgive your mate. Sometimes I would lock myself in
my room and tell the Lord, "I’m not coming out until I forgive
Bob."
About four months before Bob left the other woman, I had
given him some material about healed marriages, thinking that he would
apply it to our marriage. Bob used this same material to stand for his
adulterous marriage. That was a dirty trick Satan pulled on me. He
whispered to me that I might as well give up. Bob was a Christian now,
standing for his marriage, and I was the fool. I was driving the car, and
I jammed on the brakes, stopped the car, and yelled at Satan, "I am a
spiritual bull-dog. I have the covenant of my marriage in my teeth, and I
will never let go till death do us part." I felt Satan leave.
There were a lot of ups and downs as Conchi’s and my
marriage was restored. December 1, 1984, I received an indication from my
alien wife that she wanted our marriage to work. She had moved to another
state, so I packed up everything and left to be with her. I’m not proud
of what I did. I was willing to leave my children, my church, my home,
EVERYTHING, to follow her. I had my life’s belongings in a trailer. I
was on such a high. I was on my way to reconcile with the alien. God’s
hand had to be in this. It took me eight or nine hours to get to her home.
But as soon as I hit her town, everything began to unravel.
I find it difficult to even talk about it now. For
thirty days, I went through the closest thing to Hell that I have ever
experienced in my life. Everything I had ever done to Conchi, I had done
to me. I was
stripped of everything, my finances, my job, my health.
I lost forty pounds in thirty days. I couldn’t eat; I couldn’t sleep.
Literally, I fell apart.
On New Year’s Eve 1984, I was alone in the house. I
was able to talk the doctor into giving me some sleeping pills. I’m a
fighter; I’ve always been a fighter, so this was so unlike me, but I was
whipped.
During the last thirty days, I had been spending most of
my time on my knees, but that New Year’s Eve night, I grabbed a glass of
water and those pills. I was standing in the kitchen, and all the lights
were out. I looked up and said, "God if you’re real, You’re going
to have to do something NOW." About that time, I felt something hit
the back of my knees, and I collapsed on the kitchen floor. I knew
somebody hit me, yet I was alone in that house. The pills went one
direction, the glass of water the other, and as I hit the floor I heard
God speak to me.
"Bob, it’s time to go home." That was all I
heard God say, and I don’t have any idea how long I lay on that floor
and bawled. The rest of the night I was oblivious to everything except my
time with the Lord.
The next day I called Conchi and said, "It’s all
over." She didn’t have the slightest idea what I was talking about.
I explained to her the adulterous situation was over, and I was leaving. I
had no money; I had no place to go; I had no job; and I didn’t even have
my health. I filed all the necessary papers to get a divorce, and in three
days I was pulling into my buddy’s yard at 10 o’clock at night. I went
right over to Conchi’s, and the first thing I said to her was, "I
want you to know something, I don’t want to be here." I was being
totally honest with her. I let her know I didn’t WANT to be there, but I
HAD to be there. She was very loving and and kind to me. I was able to
live with some good Christian friends.
For eight months, Conchi and I were good friends and had
beautiful fellowship. We talked about the Word. All I wanted at that point
was my relationship with my Lord. One day I was out
at the lake walking down to the dock when I heard the voice of God again.
His voice was loud and clear. "I want you to go and ask Conchi to
marry you." I stopped dead in my tracks. I
literally looked up at God and said, "God, you have got to be joking!
How can you ask me to marry Conchi when I don’t have any physical
feelings for her whatsoever? I love her, and I love the fellowship that we
have, and she is the mother of my children, and she is very important and
dear to me, but I don’t feel anything for her. God asked me, "Have
you not been walking in obedience, trusting me up to now? Do what I say,
and I will restore the feelings." I’ll tell you something, asking
Conchi to marry me was one of the hardest things I ever did.
We had nothing. I went from making $40,000 one year to
$100 a week for three months of the next year. That was part of my
stripping. God knew that part of my life had to go. The Lord supplied
absolutely everything, and twenty years, almost to the day, after our
first marriage, Conchi and I renewed our vows. I cried many, many times
after I came back home. I told Conchi, "I know God has forgiven me,
and I know you have forgiven me. But I still have to face the consequences
of what I did." One consequence was that our children were really
hurt emotionally by what I did.
I want everybody to understand this. When you see the
husband or wife doing their thing out in the world, believe what the Word
of God says, not what you see. I want to tell you from my own experience,
they are in hell. They don’t realize it, but they are in hell, and they
are hurting, and they are lost, and they are confused. I know how much of
a jerk I was, better than anybody. I could portray anything on the outside
to whomever, but deep inside, all the time, there was that little ember
that said, "This is wrong." Had Conchi reacted to her flesh and
chewed me out when I deserved it, it would have been a lot worse. I can
emphatically say that it was her persistent commitment that moved me more
than anything else. And her prayers . . . I can’t tell you how much I
could feel her prayers for me. I always knew when she was praying.
I love my wife now more than I have ever loved her. I
remarried Conchi out of obedience to God, but God was true to His promise,
and He has restored my feelings beyond my wildest dream.
According to 1 John 5:14, 15, the prayers you pray do
not go unanswered, and if they are according to God’s will, we know we
have what we have asked. There is only one alternative for your mate if
you keep praying.
Bob and Conchita Jensen
Sumner, Washington
This testimony provided by:
NEW HOPE FOR BROKEN MARRIAGES
Dana and Val Hartong
24652 Featherstone Rd.
Sturgis, MI 49091
(269) 651-2187 |
