I Almost Threw It All Away
by Lorne Matthews
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My destructive choices were
worse than burning money. I was in a ‘tender trap’ and it all FELT so
good. My mind said it had to be of God! On the altar of selfish emotions,
I was sacrificing my true wealth: my family.
On my 40th
birthday, I recall feelings of anger, rejection, frustration, and not
having the success I longed for. I bitterly concluded the hindering factor
had to be my wife, Jimmie Ruth (Genesis 3:12). We had been married 18
years, but I now found our relationship dull and boring. We didn’t
fight. There just wasn’t any emotional connection.
Our family started
using the hair styling services of a woman in our church. One day I
visited the shop in her home for a haircut. As she completed the job, she
gently caressed me and this action sparked the fire of lust within me to
become fully kindled. The iniquity I hid in my heart now erupted into a
blazing fire. We met next day, determined to divorce our mates and
continue this abundant life our sinful hearts craved.
I reached out to a
high profile Christian counselor who was convinced God was setting me free
from the bondage of my marriage and giving me someone more suited to my
needs. This counselor encouraged me to move in with my new
"flame" and learn from her. He used Bible verses like Mark
10:29-30 to convince me (Romans 7:8 and 11).
My new heartthrob easily obtained
her divorce. However, I ran into a brick wall: a wife who believed, by the
inspiration of God, that a covenant marriage meant, "until death do
us part". She refused to cooperate or sign anything. I tried to
convince her that I was committing adultery and she had biblical grounds
to divorce me. But Jimmie Ruth had already examined the so-called
"Exception Clause" (Matthew 5:32 and 19:9). She concluded this
was written to a Jewish culture with betrothal customs. (During the year
of betrothal, if there was unfaithfulness, the betrothed could obtain a
divorce). Joseph and Mary were such an example (Matthew 1:18-25). The
Scriptures state: "except it be for fornication" (not
adultery). Even though many Christian friends, out of sympathy for Jimmie
Ruth, thought my adultery was grounds for divorce, she stood firm on her
conviction: the covenant vows of marriage united us as "one
flesh" until one of us died.
I blamed my wife for
my adultery at this point; after all, if I could get a legal document of
divorce in my hand, then my new relationship would cease to be adultery.
Or would it? (Mark. 10:11-12, Luke 16:18)
The other woman and
I moved in together. She helped soothe my conscience by telling me she
heard "the voice of God". I now know it was a form of control
and manipulation, not God at all. "The voice" told us to move to
Florida and we did! The "voice" in her often prophesied to me
things which did come to pass. (Demons have power to deceive, so
fulfillment of a prophesy is significant only if it agrees fully with the
Word of God. Deuteronomy 13:1-5, II Thessalonians 2:9). The lack of
righteousness in my heart gave power to the deception of sin working also
in her.
She prophesied that
a millionaire would come into our lives and provide everything we needed
for a new life, a new marriage and a new ministry. And it happened! The
millionaire placed into my hands keys to a new car, keys to a condo on an
exquisite golf course and keys to a church which I would pastor (in spite
of my adultery). He also financed Christian television programs for us at
a well-known TV facility. I could involve any woman I chose to
"marry".
Still my wife
continued faithful, praying a hedge of protection around me, and trusting
in her God.
The youngest
daughter of this woman lived with us. Each night I would tuck her in bed,
pray with her and play the role of a "Christian" father while
committing adultery with her mother (INSANITY!) Rom.7:22,23. At the same
time, I had forsaken my own two children, Mark and Melody. I was worse
than an infidel (I Timothy 5:8). I had misplaced my passion and was
controlled by my emotions. My focus was inward and selfish, not on the
Word of God nor my family (II Timothy 3:1-7).
One evening, this
child prayed "Dear Jesus, make Jimmie Ruth so sick that she will sign
the divorce papers so we can be a family." Within hours of that
prayer, my wife, who had been in perfect health, was rushed into emergency
surgery. A large portion of her intestines had to be removed and she was
not expected to live through the night. Still she clung faithfully to her
covenant promise "until death do us part".
The day following my
wife’s surgery, this woman’s first-born teenage son, who had also been
in perfect health, was rushed to another hospital across town. He was
diagnosed with a brain tumor. The woman was convinced it was the work of a
demon sent by my wife. However, she stubbornly refused to repent of her
own sin (Revelation 2:18-23). Several months later, her son, a godly young
man, died. She had prophesied that I would one day adopt him; his name
would have been Jimmy Matthews (like my wife’s name)! The blinder’s
covering the eyes of my spirit were being removed. I started seeing
glimpses of the deception. The curse was being broken.
Gradually, I realized I had to start
obeying the Word of God, not just what felt good to me. The softening of
my heart (Matthew 19:8) caused me to turn toward Melody, my daughter, and
her graduation (Malachi 4:5-6). On my arrival, I found she had lined our
driveway with yellow ribbons to welcome her daddy home. I went to my son
Mark and asked him to forgive me. He gave me a casual "sure"
that probably matched the initial sureness of my repentance, but both have
become more solid over these many years. My wife, by God’s mercy, was
still standing where she had stood when she uttered those vows on December
28, 1962 – faithful to her God and to her covenant. The process started:
I confessed, turned and forsook my sin and received God’s mercy
(Proverbs 28:13).
On a cold winter’s
day, I sought for the grave of that godly young son. Kneeling in the snow,
I asked God why He did not take my life instead of his. The boy was
innocent – I was the guilty one! Finally I found some comfort in the
thought that he was now in God’s presence. Then the scripture came to
me, "The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife." (I
Corinthians 7:14). My wife’s faithfulness kept me separated unto God, as
well as to our children.
At the first, as we
sought to restore our lives together, Jimmie Ruth and I did not have warm,
"fuzzy" emotions; but in the fear of the Lord, we began
rebuilding our marriage. Each began taking personal responsibility for our
individual walk with God. We made an investment of putting effort behind
right actions to each other, which will always lead to healed emotions
over time.
The process has been
long and painful, but I can honestly say, the results are well worth the
effort. My daily life now swims in peace; and the joyful sounds of happy,
healthy grandchildren are the fruit of God’s mercy added to my
obedience. Our son and daughter have chosen to forgive and love their
repentant dad. I have a place called "home" (the same one I
tried to throw away!) and that home is filled with all precious and
pleasant riches (Proverbs 24:3-4). I have a wife who loves me in a way
few men will ever be loved: a wife who is willing even to die if necessary
in order to be faithful and keep covenant. AND I ALMOST THREW IT ALL AWAY!
Precious ones, if
the fires of bitterness and lust consume your life too, turn to Jesus! See
the pure fire in His eyes. Turn from your selfishness (II Timothy 3:1-5).
Receive the mercy and forgiveness Jesus Christ has provided when we
confess and forsake our sin. Don’t be deceived: adulterers cannot
inherit the kingdom of God (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The fires of greed,
bitterness and lust will destroy life. The fires of faith, hope and love
will purify life and produce true wealth. If you turn your heart fully
toward the Lord Jesus Christ, you will know what perfect love is (I John
4:17-18).
Lorne
H. Matthews
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