A Plea From Sherrie
If you are married and considering divorce or have been
through a divorce, please read Sherrie's story.
My whole life all I ever longed for was to be a good
wife and mother. I gave little thought to school, much less continuing on
to higher education. I believe that I started buying baby clothes at the
age of 13. My dolls were my best friends. I would dream of them being real
children - mine.
At the age of 17, I met the man that I would one day
marry. He was 5 years my senior. He was so handsome. Our problems began
when our physical relationship changed from one based on God’s
guidelines. We began experimenting with touches and ending going "All
the way." For me, I felt like my life was over . . . ruined. I was no
longer pure and had saved nothing for my wedding night. Satan began an
attack on my life from that point on. He was relentless in his desire to
cripple my Christian walk. I allowed him to convince me that I was rotten
to the core. Later, after my husband and I married, our sexual life was
strained to say the least. The oneness that God wants for married couples
had been tarnished and it was always just out of reach for me.
After we had been married for about a year, I began
begging God to heal my marriage. This continued for another 5 years. I
longed to love the way God intended. I wanted to honor my husband, but it
just wasn’t there.
We were very active in our church. The pastor’s wife
and I were best of friends. Wednesdays, we had a couple’s study in our
home. I attended a women’s prayer group and led a Thursday night youth
group. We were in church every Sunday morning and evening. People called
us the Perfect Couple. What they didn’t know was that I was carrying a
pain inside me so intense that I could hardly bear it. I was becoming
bitter, and was feeling a deep sense of unfulfilled expectations. I blamed
God for letting me down. What I didn’t realize was that I was letting
God down and allowing room for Satan to step in. I was giving up on God,
my husband, my kids, and my dreams.
By this time, we had been married about six years and
had a beautiful son and daughter. I worked a few hours a week to earn mad
money. A man came in one day while I was working. He was the saddest man I
had ever seen. I could tell his spirit was intensely sad, and my Christian
heart went out to him. "Well," I thought, "I am going to
save this poor man from his loneliness." I began sharing the Lord
with him during my breaks. He came in almost every day to share in
fellowship. Every one in my family opened their home and hearts to this
man. He shared Thanksgiving with us and we had a wonderful day. I was so
happy to see some of the sadness leave his face.
IF I KNEW THEN, WHAT I KNOW NOW . . .
The times I have said that to myself are beyond
counting. What started out Godly, turned out vile and shameful and hurt
more people than I’ll ever know. I told you I taught a youth class. Some
twenty-four young, impressionable children including my own, had been
entrusted into my care. All of these were deeply hurt by what I did. Our
last youth group met at Christmas in 1986. All of them spent the night at
our home, along with the sad man. However, now the sad man was no longer
so sad. He was stealing affections and taking someone else’s wife,
children, and family. I had told this man that if my feelings were ever to
change from that of friendship, that I would have to say good-bye, and
that he was to leave and never come back. I should have purchased for
myself the fastest pair of running shoes money could buy and sprinted for
my life like the flames of Hell were licking at my feet . . .
FOR INDEED THEY WERE!!!
My husband was and is the most honest, faithful, quiet
man that I know. He is a good worker and a good provider. These are
qualities that I would soon learn are needed for the building of a healthy
relationship.
Long before I met the sad man I had begun considering .
. . No, I would say more like . . . entertaining the idea of leaving my
husband. Of course, I knew this was not a reality for me. I loved God and
divorce was not an option. I knew my husband would never give me a
biblical reason to remarry. He was quite young, and was VERY healthy. He
had no reason to check into God’s Hotel prematurely. I WAS STUCK! About
the time I began to want out, I located a person to counsel me through the
church. It helped for awhile, but my husband didn’t think there was a
problem, so he didn’t go at first. Later we went together.
On January 1, 1987 I left it all. I quit . . . I gave up
. . . I left it ALL for a willful, sinful, disobedient life with a man
that I knew was not for me. But, deception had taken place and even as I
was driving away, I knew that what I was doing was wrong. I KNEW that I
would lose my entire family when I left my husband, plus my church family,
my youth group kids, my mother, father, and sisters and their husbands and
kids. I also knew I was in for big T (trouble) with God. But, the deceived
are deceived and I was. I will never forget one thing that was said to me
after I left my husband. I was talking to a pastor friend seeking help to
reconcile. I kept telling him, I just "CAN’T." He said,
"WON’T," I said "CAN’T, " He said, "WON’T."
Each time I said CAN’T, he said, WON’T. I got so . . . mad. That
pastor just didn’t understand. Wow, but did he. I know that today. The
word CAN’T doesn’t appear in the marriage vow. Can’t means you have
chosen won’t. You have chosen not to do it.
Remember at the beginning of my story, my dream was to
be a good wife and mother? In one fatal swoop Satan took my dreams, and
threw them in the air like a deck of cards. I walked out, leaving everyone
I loved to pick up all the pieces. I had my desire. I was with a man who
made me "Feel good." Did you hear what I said? I got my wish.
HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED? Satan used this sad man to
destroy another Christian family. I can’t count the number of other
families who suffered because of my selfish decision. The rippling effect
never ceases.
The sad man and I married after a couple years. (Of
course I had to wait an appropriate length of time). I fooled no one.
Prior to this remarriage, I did seek help and attempted to go back to my
husband. My way of seeking help was to seek counsel from people who would
condone what I was doing. I wanted to talk to people who would give me the
answers I wanted to hear. There are Christian counselors out there who
will tell you anything you want to hear. And they feel confident they have
heard from God. DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT. If you are contemplating divorce,
I beg you, Go to God. Find someone who will help you stick with God’s
Word. Don’t wait. If you are hurting because of unmet expectations, ask
for help before Satan gets a foothold and shatters your dreams. Give no
place to Satan.
My covenant husband, the one I promised to love, honor
and cherish till death do us part, my children’s father, stuck with me
and stood for our marriage. He would call Val and Dana and talk to them.
He came to their meetings when they were in Oregon. The love that I
thought wasn’t there in my husband went far deeper than I could have
ever thought possible. Even after I willfully and disobediently married
another man, the husband of my youth, the marriage God honored, blessed,
he remained soul-tied to me tighter than any knot.
I was married to the sad man for two years. I need to
tell you that in the eyes of the world I had it all. Money, home, cars,
toys. I had everything, even things I didn’t want. If I wanted
something, it was only a department store away. I started a business.
Nothing could go wrong. It was fantastic. It grew 9,000% in one year. I
couldn’t believe it. I thought, "Wow, God is really blessing me. He
must think my sin isn’t so bad." But something was missing. My soul
was so hungry for that special place you have with Jesus, when you are
walking an obedient walk. My soul was living a lip-service walk with God.
What I learned was that God does not always punish immediately. Samson had
his strength and continued to sin. But, judgment came. I believe that when
a person willfully walks away from God’s ways, the soul is out of sync.
It is impossible to attain true peace.
When I was in disobedience, I couldn’t grasp standing.
I just couldn’t understand how Jeff could want his wife back after all I
had done to him. All he asked was that I leave my adulterous life and
return to him. . . . like God asks the sinner to do. I understand it now.
I thought my kids would get used to their new daddy, but they hated him.
Now their own father was the true sad man. I thought the kids would
rebound and accept the divorce in time. Don’t believe it for a minute!!
The suffering of the children is life threatening. It is no different than
cancer. It destroys the cells of innocence, and replaces them with cells
of distrust, hate, bitterness, anger and confusion. Divorce is a form of
child-abuse and children NEVER recover from it. Proverbs 5:1-22 - Read it.
Bury the words deep in your heart, it is truth.
The Lord was able to start working in me again when I
stopped blaming others for my mistakes. I was consumed with anger, and
blaming my husband for not loving me enough . . . thus he caused my
adultery, I rationalized. If he had loved me more, another man could not
have won my affections so easily. I couldn’t believe how much anger was
inside of me. Once I became aware that my problems began and ended with
me, my healing was able to begin and it made forgiveness possible. I
learned the first step towards healing always begins with taking
responsibility for your own actions.
My restoration began with a miracle. On our anniversary
last year, my covenant husband walked into my place of business. I was
sitting at the desk, and as I looked up at him, it was like a veil was
torn from my eyes. I said to myself, "God, what have I done to my
husband, what have I done to my children, what have I done to myself? I’m
in adultery! (I found out later that Val had prayed for the list of
marriages for the veil to be torn from their eyes.) I left that day and
filed for divorce immediately. I have forgiven both men in my life, and am
working on forgiving myself. I find it very hard to believe that this is
MY story. It’s like I’m talking about someone else - and I really am.
Because I yielded to Satan, another person came in and lived in my body.
But now TRUTH lives in me and I have been set free.
The kids and I are waiting on Jesus to restore our
family. We live in a small house filled with love and dreams again. My
husband and I are dating, but he has found it hard to trust me after I
hurt him so deeply. He stood for four years, got discouraged and started
dating. So he has had all kinds of emotions to deal with. I plead with you
men and women whose mates have left, "Don’t give up." They
could be changed in an instant like me. Remember Lazarus - one minute
dead, the next minute alive. What regrets you’ll have if you have to
say, "If only I had waited a little longer." I want to thank my
family for standing with their son-in-law for 4 years. And I want to thank
Val and Dana for standing first with my husband for our marriage and now
with me. God said till death do us part, so I’m standing until my
husband comes home, or until Jesus comes, whichever is first. Sherrie
This testimony provided by:
NEW HOPE FOR BROKEN MARRIAGES
Dana and Val Hartong
24652 Featherstone Rd.
Sturgis, MI 49091
(269) 651-2187 |
